My Legacy Part 1- What influences a legacy?

I feel like I’m surrounded by loss right now. My mother has almost completely slipped away into a dementia fog and daddy-in-law is on the brink of meeting God in person. As I sit here, trying to concentrate on my work, my mind is thinking about when I’m gone. What will people say about me? What kind of legacy have I left? Are the words people would use to describe me positive? Is my legacy one I would be proud leaving?

Several years ago, I never thought I’d have this life. None of my visions for the future included my two brown-eyed angels and they didn’t include the title wife. My visions included me living alone in an old farm-house with a couple of labs to keep me company. My vision for the future had me living miles away from anyone.  If you asked me back then about what I thought would happen when I died, my answer would’ve been bleak. I would assume that no one would notice or miss my absence. Sure a few people would attend the funeral but no one would talk much about me afterward and I’d quickly fade into non-existence. And, as sad as that may seem, it really didn’t bother me. I was lost and disconnected from the world and most people. As in so many cases, God had other plans for me. I met my husband and well, as they say, everything else was history.

DSCF7974

Now, I see things very differently. I have two amazing children whose big brown eyes I see every time I close my eyes. Their sweet voices fill my thoughts and dreams. Mommy is my favorite title above all others. I long to hold their warm bodies pressed against my after a long day at work. I look forward to putting them in bed at night. After a long day’s work, I look forward for my husband to come home and to feel his strong arms hold me at night. He is the rock of this family (even if he doesn’t realize it). I know, my place will always be right by both my husband’s and children’s sides. Now the thought of not being in this world to help guide my children and be a companion for my husband makes my heart ache. I know if I were gone, they would be heart-broken and sad. And as my husband says, he would be inconsolable for at least 10 mins 😉 He’s of course joking about it only taking 10 minutes to get over me ( I am after all, pretty awesome! 😉 )but it does illustrate how I’m now connected to people. I have a legacy.

So, what will this legacy look like? Only God knows and time will tell. I do know that I’m working very hard to mold that legacy. Because even though we don’t think about it every day, we are doing just that, molding our legacy. How I raise my kids, the values and beliefs I instill in them will determine who they become and who they marry. It will influence how they parent their kids and how my grand kids parent and raise my great-grandkids and so on. Likewise, I must credit the same experiences that left me feeling unconnected in my late teens to early 20’s to my legacy. Those experiences that lead up to those feelings and those experiences during that time influence how I raise my kids. So, you see, even my deepest secrets and experiences will also impact my legacy.

Now it leaves me to thinking what AM I leaving behind when I’m gone? I plan to write a second and third part addressing what I’m hoping to teach to each my children and what I hope people will say about me. These will be the lessons I hope my children learn and will provide insight to what I want my legacy to be. Have you thought about your legacy? What do you want to instill in your children? What would you like others to remember about you.

Advertisements