The Non-Hustle Life

This is something that has been on my heart and mind for a while now. Really, longer than I should admit. It become more apparent to me (or maybe just nagging me long enough) that I need to put it out there. I know I can’t be the only one feeling this. I know there is others out there feeling this way. So here it is. I despise the the #hustle.

Why do I despise it? It sets up an unsustainable life. It prioritizes not staying busy ALL THE TIME and deprioritizes resting. All of the pressure to be “killing it” at life/career/school is leading to increase anxiety and depression. It promotes working more hours. It tells us, exhaustion is good and a sign of a well lived life. It increases stress.

Why do I despise it? Rest is very important for us. Its important for us to be happy and healthy. We need to rest and recharge. It lets not only our body to feel better and stay healthy. But its also important for our minds to rest and not be “on” all the time. Rest allows us to connect to friends and family. It decreases stress.

I’m starting to work toward a non-hustle life. One that focuses on and promotes rest and spending time with family. One that promotes taking time to drink the cup of coffee on a Saturday morning instead of rushing out the door as quickly for our overscheduled life. I moving toward a well-lived life with family and friends now instead of hoping for it as a result of working hard. Yeah, I’m certain I won’t make as much money. I’m certain I will miss out on things. But, I don’t care. I’m making the choice to slow down.

Dear New House

Dear New House,

We’re very excited to have you join our family. We are, really. Even though we’ve only met you twice and the first time was just two weeks ago. We are anxious to make our relationship with you official. I hope this isn’t too fast for you.

It’s a bit fast for us. We had just started looking for you. My daughter is having some difficulty adjusting. You see, she loves the old house. Its all she’s known. She has so many memories with our old house. I know she’ll grow to love you too. I know the old house will soon become a memory. She is passionate and (sometimes) a bit stubborn. But until then, be patient with her. Be kind with her. And know. she will come around.

My son, he’s excited. I think you’ll find him a bit more rambunctious and easy going. He’s loved our old house too. Its also been the only house he’s known. But, he’s a bit more accepting to change. He will be teary, I’m certain with saying good-bye to the old house. And he’ll have days when he wants to go back. But I’m confident, he’ll be filling you with laughter and curiosity.

I and my husband are nervous. Anytime there’s such a large investment. We are get nervous because we too love this old house. We wonder, will the new be good for us? Will it be what our family needs? Will the neighbors accept us? Most importantly, will our children adjust?

So you see, we are very excited and a bit nervous to add you to our family. Thankfully we have a very short 1.5 months to adjust to the idea and say our tearful good-byes. We will be preparing and are looking forward to officially meeting you very soon.

Yours Truly,

A very excited (and nervous) future family

Everything to Everyone: the Curse

Hi. My name is Ruthie and I’m an exhausted mom trying my best to be everything to everyone. I am the mommie to two wonderful little ones who are active in sports and dance. I am the homework boss, snack regulator, grocery shopper, and home referee. I am classroom volunteer, fieldtrip driver, school board member, and cheerleader. I am the housekeeper and home chef. I could go on, but I’m sure you get it. I’m certain you feel my pain. You are in similar shoes.

We are moms. We are wives. We are employees. We wear many hats. And do many thankless jobs. We are the ones who everyone goes to to get things done.

So, what happens when we need a break?

This is exactly where I was last weekend. I needed a break. From Friday until Sunday, I had 2 dance practices, 2 soccer games, 1 dance picture session, and 1 school auction. Plus, I needed to move into my new office space. I felt pressured to attend all of these functions. with a smile on my face. You see, all of these activities needed me or at the bare minimum wanted me. But I felt EXHAUSTED thinking about the weekend. I needed a break. After working 40+ hours a week, I still had a crazy busy weekend to get through.

I silently rejoiced when it was too cold and snowy for soccer. It was one thing off my list. I opted out of attending the school auction. And you know, it was OK. The world didn’t end. Yes, some may have been disappointed. My kids for the cancelled soccer game and probably some people from the school since I typically attend the auction. And you know I and my kids had one of the best weekends we’ve had in a long time. We hung out and watched TV. The kids helped me move into my office without me feeling impatient and rushed. The kids played video games.

I gave myself a pass. You can too. You can take a deep breath and opt out of things. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You can pick and choose what you want to volunteer for. And, quite frankly what events you want to attend. ITS OK. Give yourself permission. Because, when you slow down you win. Your kids win. Your family wins. And, that’s more important than anything else in this world.

Trying to be everything to everyone is a curse. Its not realistic. It won’t make you happy. Volunteer and do things you want but also give yourself a break. Accept being able to take a break and just enjoy life with your family. Sleep in. Break that curse.

(This post was shared HERE where you can find blog posts from other encouraging posts.)

How I ended up with a Permit to Carry

I totally understand not everyone is pro-guns. I don’t intend to get into any debates on here. Comments that are rude or an attempt to pick a fight will not be approved.

Now with that stated, let’s move on to how I ended up with a permit to carry. I’ll admit, I’ve yet to carry. I don’t have any plans in the near future to do so. However, after the party mentioned in the previous post (which you can read here), I and my friend began talking about going to a range to shoot, for fun. We thought it might be a fun girls night. I’ll be honest, I’d been wanting to shoot since I left the military.

So we started investigating and I found most of the ranges required you to have a permit to shoot/rent. Uncertain how to get around this, I began researching how to obtain a permit. This lead me to getting my permit to carry. Since that time, several things have happened both in the local news and national news. So, I’ve explored the option of carrying.

This is what it took to get a permit to carry in my sate. Please note every state is different.

Register for and take a basic permit to carry which includes passing a shooting portion
Apply for a permit to carry and pass a FBI criminal background check
Have your picture taken for the permit to carry

That really is it. Its pretty simple to get a permit. One must remember this is a big responsibility. Once you start carrying, you have increased legal risk and you need to understand those risks and accept responsibility for anything that may (hopefully not) happen.

My next post will discuss what’s next after obtaining your permit. I’ll also be writing a product review soon.

Breaking up with your church

As I shared before, I feel as if I’m going through a mid-life crises. Not the buy a new fancy car but the a need meaning in my life. Part of this had me questioning if we were attending the right church. Our church was a small church made-up of mostly post-retirement people. The activities and choices for family activities were minimal and children’s programs were being cut. The church was going on 3 years with no pastor. My last point of frustration was when they cut contemporary service and went down to 1 service at 9 am.

So this left us looking for another church. Since then we found another church. It got me thinking about how you know its time to move on. So I’ve compiled a list of when you know its time to break-up with your church.

Attending feels likes an obligation. Attending church should not feel like an obligation. If you do not desire to go to church, you should take some time to consider what is causing these feelings. Are you not being spiritually? Are you not connected to the church? Do you have unmet needs? Or, maybe you need to work on your connection to God? Its best to recognize why you are feeling this way so that you can address it. For example, if its your connection with God, consider what would strengthen that connection? Do you need more quiet or Bible time? No matter the reason, maybe talking with your pastor is what you need. For us, this was a sign we needed to break-up with our church.
The little things are abnormally frustrating. A good sign that you are ready to move on, is the little things are more frustrating then they should. For example, little changes in music should not be overly frustrating. The change in sermon times may be inconvenient, but should they really be extremely upsetting? For us, I had seen so many things that frustrated me that when they surveyed (keep in mind, they didn’t even change the time yet), I was angry. We were barely making it to the 10 AM service and now I would have to try to make it to a 9 AM service. The somewhat Ironic thing is, we’ve been frequently going to a 9:30 service now. So a 9 AM service would’ve been doable. If those little things are more frustrating, you may be time to break-up.
You’re not feeling spiritually fed. I feel like this is a no-brainer. Who would want to attend a service where you’re not being spiritually fed? As I say this, I think its very easy to not even realize this is happening! You go to church out of obligation can be the result of this. Its easy to sit there for months and not realize this is happening. But here’s a hint that you’re not being spiritually fed, our you daydreaming or making a grocery list or checking of your weekly/daily to do list during the sermon? If so, this may apply to you or you just may have attention issues. Regardless, it would be good to stop and think about what is causing you to do this? I’m not saying church should be solely entertaining. But it should be engaging. You should be walking away from the majority of sermons with the sense of gaining. If you are mentally dosing off once the pastor starts preaching, you may need to break-up.
Your needs are not being met. This was HUGE for us. I watched over the last several years programs for children and families slowly be cut. I watched as the emphasis seemed to be placed on pleasing those long-term members over change and forward movement. I heard more times than I could count, that’s not how we do it here or we’ve always done it this way. Don’t get me wrong, a church isn’t solely to meet my needs. I also need to involved and help with the running of the church. But you see, I went from being willing to volunteer and help the church to feeling out of place and not wanting to volunteer. All of this was because, the needs of my family could not be met within this church. If you are feeling like you are not getting what you need, you may need to find a church that is better aligned with you.
Your values don’t align with the church’s. Ok. So you may have this far and thought, this one is a bit silly. Of course my church’s Christian values align with my values. I would certainly hope and expect that to be the case. However, consider other values. For example, financial values. Is the church handling its finances in ways you would? Is the church’s mission and how they handle that mission in agreement (generally, it may never be 100% the same) with what you value as important? If the values you hold to be important is not in agreement with the way the church’s actions, you may need to break-up.

I’m not saying even if the above applies you should quickly run away from your church into another. But, I do suggest that if one more more of those things apply, it would be good to re-evaluate your reasons for staying. I also encourage people to attempt in a productive manner to change the church if they are off-course. Specifically thinking in regards to finances or not being spiritually fed or find ways to increase programs that meet your family (and most likely others) needs.

However, there may come a time you find yourself breaking-up with your church. It took several years, probably close to 3, before I could acknowledge that we needed to break-up. It was the church my husband and I grew-up as adults. We bought our house, had children, and children were baptized in that church. It wasn’t an easy choice. I still care for the church and many of its members.

I want to leave you with one thought. It is better to leave a church than stay and cause trouble/problems within the church. People who are unhappy have a tendency to let that seep into those around them. And that could, kill a church completely.

21 Day Fix- Week 2

So, I’m two days late this week in my Monday edition of 21 day fix post. I ended up traveling last weekend and although I got home yesterday, I was beat. Traveling alone with the kids was exhausting! It reminded me how lucky and grateful I am to have such a helpful husband.

So week 2 wasn’t great. I did good with the exercising for about 1/2 the time. Then with traveling and such, I did none. I did walk quite a bit. But that was pretty much it. My eating wasn’t great either. I drank a lot of coffee on the go (Starbucks and gas station sweetened coffee drinks). Yeah. I’m feeling the lingering effects of traveling, tiredness and poor eating choices.

Week 2 Goals: No Candy- did pretty good until I started the road trip. Seriously, I ate almost an entire bag of chocolate covered raisins while driving. Oops… Exercise daily- that did not happen. Increase water intake- also failed. Eat all fruits and veggies 4 days was also a failure.

Week 2 Accomplishments: I don’t think there were many. I did mostly make better snacking choices. I ate fruits and veggies for snacks when I was home. And really only splurged at the end of the week when I was traveling. So, I’m going to count that as an accomplishment.

Week 2 Areas for Improvement: Wow. There were a lot. I think overall, the biggest theme for me was finding a way to be accountable even when life gets busy. I think last week really reinforced my need to get a bit more structure in my eating/planning. I could have/should have done better. I could have planned and packed healthy snacks for myself. I could have gone to the store while out of town and picked up some fruit.

Week 2 Over-all thoughts: I struggled last week and see myself having some struggles this week too. I almost feel like I should’ve waited at least three weeks before trying to start this. Life is busy and hard and I’ve not put for the effort I needed to in order to be successful. I also feel like I made a lot of excuses for why my meal planning didn’t get done or I ate poorly and didn’t exercise. Sadly this week is 1/2 over and I’m feeling the same excuses break into my thinking, again. I’m wondering if I need to get connected to a challenge group to help me stay motivated.

Week 3 Prep: Honestly, I started this week still out of town and my “bad habits” from last week are lingering into this week. So, I did not get any prepping done.

Week 3 Goals: My biggest goal is to get re-focused on what I’m doing. Its late in the week to do much prepping as a goal. I will tonight make some hard boiled eggs. I will begin tracking my containers again. I have family in town this weekend, so I will make sure there are plenty of fruits and veggies in our house. Its also the State Fair starting this week. One HUGE goal for me is to not over-indulge in fair treats this year.

There you have it. My not-so-successful week of 21 Day Fix. I will work on the last few days of this week in hopes of salvaging some of it. We are all human and we have goods and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. I will not let that define me.

I’d love to hear how you manage eating healthy and/or follow the 21 Day Fix when you’ve got family visiting. I’ll have an extra 7 people (more than double my little family) staying with us for 3-4 days.

A Mid-life Crisis of a Different Sort

Well, sadly, I must admit I’m at the age when it may or may not be acceptable to have a mid-life crisis. I’ve reached the age, I feel like I’ve got life pretty much figured out. Life is pretty routine. We’ve met the adult right’s to passage: marriage, full-time jobs, kids, mortgage, etc.

So, a mid-life crisis is acceptable now, right? Well, I don’t know about acceptable, but its been an ongoing conversation between myself and my husband. The “mid-life crisis” we talk about isn’t the typical. No, we don’t talk about getting a divorce and marrying younger spouses or buying that fancy sports car or even plastic surgery to look younger.

Our mid-life has us evaluating the difference we are making in the world. Are we really making an impact on it or are we just living day to day? How does our job help with that?

Part of my re-evaluation had to do with my job. Working for the “man” and making a big company wealthy and seeing very little of the wealth trickle down to its employees who do the work, isn’t what I want. I don’t want to be a disconnected voice at the end of the telephone receiving the verbal abuse from dissatisfied individuals. I don’t want that anymore. That change isn’t BIG enough for this mid-life crisis.

I think my mid-life crisis started 2.5 years ago when I enrolled for nurse practitioner school. We had to write an essay which included an explanation why we wanted to be a NP. I simply said I wanted to give back and provide quality care to some of the most needing individuals. That essay, I believe started my re-evaluation of my goals and what I wanted to accomplish.

And so, here I am, in my mid-life crisis looking for ways for our career, our life-work to mean more than making someone rich or an accumulation of things. I want to feel like what I do, means something. That this little God-given life is used for a GREATER good.

Currently, I’m processing what this looks like. I’ve got questions to ponder. How and what beyond my recent education and career change, can I do to make the world a better place. What have you done? What should I consider? Where do I go from here.

As I’m working through my mid-life crisis, I may came back here to write about it. If I do, assuming I do, I’ll start it as a series. But feel free to comment and let me know what your non-typical mid-life crisis looked like.

Have you ever….

My kids like to play the game, would you rather. Its a simple game where one person asks would rather A or B. For example, one of the questions yesterday was, “Would you rather eat boiled snake or fried frog legs?” Its a silly game and it occupies them.

As I sit on this hot Friday morning, drinking my smoothie and considering what we are going to do today, my mind wanders. I promised the kids an adventure today. And seriously, the only thing I can think of is going to Target. And that I want coffee. But I’m feeling lazy so my coffee is still in ground form sitting in its k-cup waiting on hot water. I need to come up with something other than Target. Because if I don’t, the kids will grow-up with a misunderstanding of the word “adventure” and (probably more likely) stop believing me when I say we are going on an adventure.

My mind has taken me to the thought, which I frequently go to when I’m bored with the mundane of modern society, of living off the grid and off the land. You see, I have the crazy romanticized thought that living off the land would be great. The sense of hard work and purpose guiding everyday. No noise from the electronic age replacing conversation. No pressure of being good enough or feelings of parenting failure. Because, seriously, surviving trumps all thoughts.

I have this desire of being self-sufficient and not needing to go to the grocery store. Growing all my food, hunting, chopping wood for a fire. Everyone sitting around in the evening and enjoying each others company. It kind-of sounds like a life-long extreme camping trip.

Then I’m pulled back into reality by the thought of no toilet, predators, and the reality that I’m too “soft” to really live that life. I have no idea how to really hunt or “clean” an animal safely to eat. I’ve gotten to use to my over-priced coffee, leggings, and air conditioning. But, its good for a day dream.

And now, I need to find some sort of an adventure for my kids to go on.

My question to you is, have you ever thought of living a simpler life? Living off the land or maybe something different? When you get lost in your thoughts, where do you go?

I’d love to hear from you.

Embrace: Education

Its been a while since I’ve written an Embrace entry. Its also been a while since I’ve blogged regularly. Life has a way to pull and push us along. The constant pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing can help us lose track of time. And before we know it, its 1 month, 2 months or a whole year later.

Part of my pulling and pushing the last two years has been my education. I’m a huge fan of higher education. Not just college level to get more credentials behind a name, but really life-long learning. After all, some of the smartest and most interesting people are not officially college educated. Rather, they are people who take the time to learn about the things that interest them. They spend a lot of time reading. And they spend time talking to people who share the same opinions as them. And more important, they spend time talking with (not at) people who share different opinions.

I have been to college 3 times now. First to earn my RN, then a MSN and now finally my APRN. Each time has been had its own struggles. As a newly graduated 18 year-old my main struggle was me. I struggled with becoming a responsible adult. I obtained my MSN on a whim. Now looking back I think it was a way to be distracted from the fact we were not getting pregnant. I struggled then with balancing work, life and school. I struggled with an obsession to only get A’s (which I did). Now, as an older student (almost 40), I’ve obtained my APRN. I struggled with managing kids, work, school and a social life. I also had to accept I wasn’t going to get all A’s and that’s OK.

You see, despite the struggles in the end its 100% worth. it I’ve come out with a degree and some added life skills. I’ve gained a sense of accomplishment knowing I after all that hard work and sacrifices, I did it. You see, I accomplished something I set out to do. This confidence is only gained from setting a high goal and achieving it.

Too often I hear people say, they want to get a degree or attend a seminar but they just can’t find a way to make it work. I get it, in some circumstances, it really is an almost impossibility (note ALMOST). I know the struggle. I know how daunting and exhausting it can be to think about it. I know the challenges of adding one more thing into an already jam packed schedule. I also know first-hand how it feels to be working full-time and running the kids everywhere. I know the struggle of attempting to string a few sentences together on a few hours a sleep that sound intelligent.

But what I want to say to you. The overworked, tired and stressed out in a going-nowhere (or at least nowhere you want to be) job, you can do it. Embrace a bit of exhaustion and stress. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the education and accept the responsibility of learning. You can do it. If you want it, you will do it. You see, its 100% manageable. Maybe not always pretty, but its manageable.

If the college route isn’t for you. Continue to learn about the world. Read and explore your library. Find something that interests you and learn about it. Life-learning can make the mundane seem less so. It can open up new doors and new friendships.

Explore what you want in life. Then take that first leap of faith. Know you can do it. I’m here to tell you, IF I can DO IT, YOU can too. Embrace education.

A Wild and Crazy Year

So this year has been beyond crazy and stressful. It’s also been an amazing year of growth for me. This year will be know as the year I tested myself and pursued a dream. It will also be know as the year of death and sadness.

In the spring, Joe, my father passed away. It was such an odd emotional experience for me. I and my father had a strained relationship to say the least. We spoke minimally and only when it revolved around my mom’s care. I was saddened because of the loss of a relationship that will never be. I was sad because, part of me, really wanted resolution to some of our issues. I knew our relationship would never be close and he would never be in my children’s lives. But I wanted to feel like if we saw each other in public or at an event, we’d acknowledge each other. That was now never going to happen. I also found myself very angry. I was angry when people told me he was a wonderful man.

Approximately two months after his passing, I started a nurse practitioner program. The decision to pursue my NP has been one I’ve wrestled with for a while. I prayed about it, and ultimately decided it was a good time to go back. The summer classes were killer, Advance Pathophysiology and Healthcare Statistics. This second semester has been much better. I have my MSN so I had some ideas on how this would play out, but seriously, there’s a reason people do this when they’re younger!

Then basically 5 months to the date, my mom died. I was surprised. I and my mom were close. We talked weekly and I managed all of her medical needs. I arranged everything for her. She was living in a nursing home and had been on hospice 5 years ago. Her health had been good for the most part. But cognitively she wasn’t there. Even though it had been a few years since she recognized me as her daughter, she always knew I and my children were important to her. Despite feeling like my mom had left years ago, I was still very emotional about my loss. Even now, months after she’s been gone, I find myself wishing she was here. I’m not sure that will ever go away.

Since the death of my mom, I’ve also had the death of an aunt on my father’s side and a dear friend from nursing school. So, as you can see this year has been a challenging one. I, however, view life as a chance to grow and learn. I know I could easily look at this and dwell on all the stress and problems. However, I refuse to do this. I will stay positive and focus on the amazing things going on in my life.