This week was the first week of a decreased work week. Honestly, I struggled with making the decision to cut my hours. I had been contemplating this choice for well over a year. But, just couldn’t actually ask to decrease my hours. I’m still a full time employee. I was only cutting my hours by four hours. It doesn’t seem like much.
But, here’s the thing, I’ve worked since I was 14 years old. Full-time since I was 16 (yeah, you read that right). Not only was it routine to work, but it was also engrained in me that working hard and supporting the family, was important. It was a definition of who I was. Not only did I have to have a successful career but also a clean house, be a fantastic wife, and a stellar mom. I had to do everything for everyone.
No one specifically, told me as an adult I was suppose to do this. My husband certainly didn’t tell me to do more. In fact, he’d often say do less. He saw I was stressed out, way before I acknowledged it.
But, I see and hear the woman who are praised in society and among other women. Its the woman who seems to have it all together. The woman who has that perfect smile with perfectly applied make-up. The working mom who has 2.5 perfectly behaved children and a high-powered career making that 6 figure income. She’s successful when she has all the things.
Don’t get me wrong. We’re never told directly this. But its reinforced when talk to each other. We focus on the successes. We call ourselves and others “super moms” who appear to have it all together. Suzie just got another promotion and did you see her kids are on winning championship team. Becky is pretty amazing. She’s only been at the job 3 years and is now on her her third promotion. I know those are slightly exaggerated examples, but you get what I mean.
We not only reinforce this standard by the things we congratulate other women; also on what we criticize others on. Did you see Molly was a hot mess today with her kids barely got in the door before the start of school? Little Billy said they grab fast food three nights a week. We only eat at home cooked meals. Or, we comment on the women who hasn’t had a promotion since starting her job or the mom who never volunteers at the school functions.
All of this adds that pressure to do more and be more. We learn, that do more, be more is how we are validated in our role as a mom. As a women.
Its hard when you’re a type A personality. I want to do all the things. And do all the things well. I want to meet and exceed expectations. So the thought of saying, I need to cut back. Was hard. To say, this is too much, it was hard. I feel (whether its true or not), people may judge me for stepping back. I certainly felt judged stepping back. But, I so needed to.
Does that sound familiar? Do you have the same stress? Are you trying hard to be everything to everyone? I want you know, its ok to not be. You are no less a mom, wife, or woman. In fact, I believe you will be a better, wife, mom, and employee by stepping.
Being everything to everyone is not possible. It is a lie we tell ourselves and others. Its ok to admit you’re not everything to everyone.
My challenge to all women reading this. Forget women, for all men and women reading this. Support the women in your life regardless where they are. Let’s start being honest with each other and saying, we can’t do it all. And that’s ok.
Tales of the Working Mom 